But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. Psalm 3:3
This scripture has permeated almost every inch of my journey since Glory was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome in 2010. Actually, God has been speaking through this scripture since we suffered our first miscarriage 10 years ago. After that first bitter taste of pain a friend sent me a card expressing that she was praying the God of Psalm 3:3 would "lift up my head" and restore His promises to me. God's Word came alive through that simple connection and would continue to reveal God's loving heart.
I held fast to Psalm 3:3 throughout my three pregnancies that followed and thought it even more significant after we named our youngest Glory (who was our fourth pregnancy and our second surviving child). The significance of her name - Glory - seemed to be the culmination of what this scripture had for me.
A few weeks ago God spoke and revealed the significance of the "shield" reference in the scripture. How could I have missed God acting as my shield from paralyzing grief during those years filled with not only intense pain but also immeasurable joy?
Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. Isaiah 53:4
But you, O Lord! You are a shield around me. You shielded me from grief that would destroy me. Your shield was wide during the days immediately following Glory's death. Your shield narrowed in the following months as You brought me - from great pain caused by great love - to a place closer to You. You have perfectly shielded me from the sword of depression and all-consuming grief.
I want you to show Love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6
I will NOT be ashamed of the joy that has resulted. Your joy is my strength! Joy that would be impossible if I was not under the provision of Your shield. Allowing grief to consume me could never pay the price for what You have done. That is not what you have required - you desire our heart above sacrifice.
Because of your shield. I am free.
Enjoying living under the provision of His shield today.