October 6, 2010
I saw myself the other day…I mean the “old me”. I saw her in a young wife chasing after her daughter at the Fall Festival in the Hillcrest neighborhood close to our hotel. She was dressed stylishly…matching jewelry, really cute boots, and no doubt was worrying about getting her kids in bed by 8. Maybe thinking about what leotard she would dress her daughter in for dance class the next day. Maybe wondering what gourmet dinner she would cooktomorrow night when the couple from church come over to visit and let the kids play. Maybe wondering when they will fit in their daily family bible story with all the places they have to go the next day. Worried about her daughter eating a funnel cake for dinner, and thinking that tomorrow she will try to get her to eat extra veggies.
I felt like an outsider…like I no longer fit in with this world. I had on my everyday outfit which consists of worn-out jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. It’s a good day when I wear any jewelry at all. I have dark circles under my eyes, and haven’t yet found time to get to the store to get make-up to cover them. I’m just happy to be getting my 3-year old out in society for a few minutes to run around and play. We have no oven and a non-working stove, so Eliana does not get many meals prepared by me. No doubt she will be in bed after 10 tonight. We’ll read in her Bible for a few minutes before bed, but there won’t be any family bible study or devotional. Sometimes just the knowledge that my youngest daughter is in CVICU and fighting for her life is more than I can bear to think about.
One day I will again wear something other than a t-shirt and tennis shoes. I will again worry about what to cook for dinner, or whether Eliana should take dance or gymnastics. I will have a bedtime set, and my family will once again benefit from a church curriculum.
But I’ll never be who I used to be. I’ll enjoy the same things as I used to eventually, but it will never be the same. I’ll enjoy them differently…in a different light. Praise God!! I’m being transformed, and sometimes it scares me. Who am I turning into? I found comfort in what I used to value.
“…The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” Job 1:21
I’m learning that as God strips me of who I used to be, he replaces it with an unfailing trust in Him. My prayer is that God will teach Eliana in this season through the example of her parents, grandparents, family, and friends. That somehow she will see this season (although it is not always fun and her parents are by no means perfect) as an example of our invitation to suffer with Christ and the joy and blessings that come from it.
Thank you again for letting me share my thoughts! Let me give you an update on Miss Glory, the inspiration and reason for all of my ramblings!! She is doing really well right now. Right after Sue-Sue’s funeral, they moved her to a step-down unit of the CVICU. Her heart function is good, and she had been taken off of the ventilator. In the step-down unit, family provides the majority of care around the clock, so one of us (me, Philip, or mom) was staying overnight each night with her. As the days went on, we realize now that, although her heart function was good, from a respiratory standpoint she was gradually regressing. Her oral secretions (saliva, mucous, etc.) have nowhere to go since there is a gap in her esophagus. You and I swallow much more spit than you realizeJ, and this has been her main problem over the last 2 weeks. After a few episodes of her oxygen levels dropping, they have moved her back to the more “intensive care” side of the CVICU. They have put her back on the ventilator and are being more aggressive with her respiratory treatments. As much as I hate to see her have this setback, she really needed to have more one-on-one care from the doctors and nurses. Ever since being moved back to intensive care, she has made slow, steady progress.
The main purpose of this e-mail is to let you know that the surgery on her esophagus has been moved up to this FRIDAY MORNING. As I stated before, from a heart standpoint she is doing well, so they believe it is best to go ahead and operate on her esophagus now since her secretions are causing her so many respiratory problems. She needs your prayers…the surgeons will do one of two things on Friday. Our prayer is that, through increasing her feeds, they will have stretched her stomach and the lower part of her esophagus enough that they can connect it in this surgery. If there is still too big of a gap in her esophagus, they will bring the top portion of it over to the side of her neck. If that is what has to happen, she will be able to eat from her mouth, but it would drain from her neck (she would be getting all of her nutrition from her feeds in her stomach). I believe at that point they would wait again until she is bigger to try to connect. Please join with us in prayer that her stomach and esophagus stretches and grows in the next couple of days and that the surgeons will be able to connect them. Also, that whatever they have to do in this surgery, that she will recover quickly and it will remedy the problem with her secretions.
Please also pray for us (me, Philip, Eliana, and mom) here in Little Rock as we have been dealing with different illnesses of our own (colds, allergies, etc.) and we can’t seem to get well. We are sure it is because we are weary and stressed, but it is very discouraging because it takes our time away from being with Glory.
I can’t wait to tell you about how God continues to answer your prayers….we could not make it without you…
Love,
Kerry
As an aside…if you are on Facebook and we are not friends, send me a friend request. I am able to update on Glory’s condition from my phone on Facebook at the hospital, so I will do that on Friday…